God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
