Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
