wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
