my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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