i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im part way to drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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