I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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