I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
