k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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