your parents love me but you hate me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
