I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
