it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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