the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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