Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
