Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
don't judge my taste in strippers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
