I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
