I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
