Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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