Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
