so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
