i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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