I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
