I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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