I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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