Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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