FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
