In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like having sex with a tree stump
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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