You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
