She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
