I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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