Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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