if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
