does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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