She said her name was "party"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
