Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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