My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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