Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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