you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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