No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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