so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
