he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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