I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Couch. On fire.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
