in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
