I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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