That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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