Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
