that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
