3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
