the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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