"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is wine microwaveable?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
