Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
