hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
