You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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