Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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