white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
