Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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