U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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