Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
