rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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