At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
