eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
