She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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