Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I look better un-naked...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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